Thursday, December 07, 2006

i HATE snow.

just in case i've never mentioned it, i hate snow. i don't hate snow angels, i only hate snowballs when i'm in a bad mood, and i actually adore it as a medium for skiing. furthermore, it makes for a nice decorative feel on an otherwise bland landscape. so, why do i hate snow? i'll tell you...

i hate snow because you've gotta scrape the shit off your windshield. that means that while your coffee is sitting warm and dry in a cupholder inside your car, YOU are standing out in the weather that produced the snow (i.e.: cold, wet weather) with a ridiculous plastic tool in your hand, scraping the icy shell off your car so that you can see out to drive. the main reason i tolerate snowballs is that i can, with reasonable precaution, avoid most of them. if i'm in the mood for them, however, i can indulge. NOT SO WITH WINDSHIELD SCRAPING. good mood or bad, running late or on time (and let's not kid ourselves about how often i am the latter), healthy or ill... snow has to be scraped off the windshield.

seriously, yo. i'm in Gillette, WY, the self-proclaimed Energy Capital of the Nation, on account of their cold-bed methane mining operations. couldn't they convert just a little bit of that methane into a giant blowdrier, just like is used to give you a spotless finish at the car wash, but with a little heat added? you just roll your car through the dryer and voila! the ice is melted away and the water blown off so it doesn't re-freeze when you park your car for a day at work. i think those should be installed on all hotels in Gillette, WY, and i mean forthwith.


Anonymous said...

Hey, just a quick question: how the hell do you see out to "roll your car" through the giant blow dryer? Don't mean to throw a wrench in your idea....wait, yeah I did.

If you wake up early enough, you go start the car and the heater and sit in the warmth indoors until the ice on the windshield breaks up. At least, that's what I always did.

Snow is beautiful and serene...and it kills off a BUNCH of allergens. It wants to be your friend.

Thalassa said...

the giant blow dryer should be installed on a zamboni and it should roll itself up to my car. that's how.

even waking up early and letting the defroster break up the ice is only going to work on the front and rear windows. today, my side windows were completely covered with ice. i'd have to sit for half an hour waiting for the car to get warm enough inside to break that up. and if you roll the window down to try to clear it, the snow just scooches up while the window schooches down and then it all falls in on you because cars are all aerodynamic and stuff. bleh.

snow can be beautiful and serene, and as i mentioned in my post... i have no objection to it as a landscape item. only as part of my morning routine do i object.

Bessie said...


Thalassa said...

amen, bessie! thanks for stopping by, and come back to visit anytime. :)