coffee... must have... coffee...
you've seen, i trust, those cartoon sequences in which a character crawls across the hot burning sands of the sahara chasing a mirage that looks like water? and then all the infinite commercial variations in which they bump into something completely improbable in the sahara, like a coke machine? improbable, but utterly satisfying.
i would be utterly satisfied if i could go crawling down to my kitchen and find a mug of hot coffee waiting for me. rose had a meeting this morning, and she had to jump up and run to it without making coffee first. she's a lot smarter before her first cup than i am and therefore infinitely more qualified to operate complex machinery like a coffee pot. although i'd LOVE to have a coffee pot like the one below, i fear i'd only be awake enough to use it after my 3rd cup. and then only when i wasn't on some cold medicine that warns you not to drive or operate heavy machinery under its influence...
EDIT: i ventured down there to make coffee, rationalizing that if i was smart enough to write this, i was also smart enough to make coffee. i spilled grounds all over the counter and i poured brewed coffee on my yellow dog. i made coffee, but with absolutely ZERO points awarded for style.
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5 comments:
Hey, allegedly highly intelligent nerd-like woman...they make coffeemakers that have a timer so that there is fresh brewed coffee waiting for you whenever you drag your sorry butt out of bed. Buy one.
dear allegedly highly intelligent anonymous commenter,
the coffee maker was a gift so i didn't get to shop for it by features. that said, there are certain things about it i love, so i'm not getting rid of it. it DOES actually have a timer on it. however, every blasted time i've attempted to use it, the coffee has ended up all over my countertop and NOT inside the carafe where it belongs. i cannot diagnose this fault because it only happens when the pot is unattended. i've made it go off on a timer when i was present, but it never pours coffee on the counter when i do this. accordingly, i rely on my girlfriend to make my coffee. oh, and how was i supposed to know last night that i needed to set the timer? i didn't know that she would oversleep and have to dash out the door this morning... of course, if i could foresee stuff like that, i'd probably be able to foresee the overflowing pot and prevent it. you see my quandary?
Dear ultra-defensive, highly intelligent, coffee addict,
You sure are whining a lot about this coffee thing. Geez, put a freaking towel under the damn thing if you're afraid it will overflow. Is it overflowing or does it just have bad aim?
OR...you could find a Starbucks or some other coffee shop who will deliver.
OR....how about weening yourself off the crack and maybe trying to get enough rest?
dear very helpful anonymous commenter,
if i put a towel under the pot, i would then have to squeeze all the coffee out of the towel and into my cup. seriously, when i say it "ends up all over my counter" its because more is on the counter than in the pot. delivery coffee would work. starbucks doesn't work because if i'm not smart enough to operate a coffee pot, do you really think i should be driving? i have no interest whatsoever in weaning myself off the crack. i get lots of sleep, that's not the issue. once i'm AWAKE i'm well rested and mostly sane. it's the process of awakening that the coffee helps with. it goes about 10 times faster with coffee than without.
truly,
addicted
Okay, if there is more coffee on the counter than in the coffeepot, the issue is not overflowing but poor aim. I'm certain that it can be fixed fairly easily. See to it.
I would NEVER suggest that you attempt to operate heavy machinery without your fix. I value your life, if not always the ones around you, too much for that.
My last suggestion before leaving you to your whining: perhaps ready the coffeemaker the night before so that you can just hit a button in the morning if you don't choose to use the timer? I surrender to your addiction.
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