on affection...

so, i did one of those silly blog memes recently (it's the alphabet post below) and it asked for the name of my "crush".

my first reaction was: i don't have one. wow... i haven't had one in a LOOOONGG time. has it been years? am i even capable of crushing as an adult? i don't remember having a serious crush since high school...

and then i had a cup of coffee, and my brain juices started flowing, and i recalled that i have had a few crushes along the way. it has NOT been years. *whew* i had half convinced myself that my crush-inator had withered from disuse and was no longer functioning. wouldn't that SUCK?!?!?!?! it had been a while, but that's because i was in a relationship that had settled into a comfortable zone and crushing wasn't part of it anymore. further, i'm mindful of respecting my partner in such things, and since my partner was a monogamist, i was too. so for the duration of the relationship, i avoided putting myself in the path of crushing and never allowed any such feelings to take root.

so, with the subject in the forefront of my lobes, i headed out to the bar and to various social outings this weekend. there i discovered that my crush-inator is in fine form. functioning fluidly and furiously, i might add. :) maybe it's so just because i've been thinking and worrying about it, but i discovered that there are still lots of people i know, people i meet, and people i just brush past in the bar that can flick my bic.

so, i can say with authority i've got two torch-y lusts that have been smoldering for some time, one certifiably scorching crush that threatens to sever the connection between my vocabulary and my mouth on occasion, and one mind-fsck (in the good way) that i'm keeping on a back burner because the object of my affection is not available. no sense carrying a torch that's only going to burn me, so i just admire from a distance.

glad to know i've still got it. :)